God Plans, We Laugh

I began an intense journey into motherhood back in October 2009.  Months of anticipiation and anxiety, hopes and disappointments, belief and despair.  Through it all, I received some good words from friends, family, my husband.  But the most convicting were the impressions given to me from God Himself.  I remember back in Aug 2010, I had an "impression" as I call it, or a feeling in my spirit that God was speaking to me.  He said " You will not have to go through fertility treatment."  I remember that clearly and it stayed in my mind.  So of course I began to feel like pregnancy was impending....SOON! But come September and then October, I was kind of leery as to what I really heard.  Especially because October made a year that I had actively tried to get pregnant, to no avail, and now I was technically considered "infertile".  So I asked my hubby to go get a semen analysis in November.  He did so without any doubt in his mind everything was gonna come out ok.  His experience was very comical, and yes he was correct.  His sperm were in great condition.  I was relieved, but it was bittersweet because it now became apparent to me that I was the problem. 

I called my incompetent doctor's office that same month and scheduled an appointment to discuss fertitlity testing.  I was scheduled for the beginnig of December.  I had the appt with the Nurse Practioner and talked about my struggle beginning to end.  She was sweet with a lot of empathetic "yeahs" and "awws" but I didnt really feel the urgency in her voice. I was ready to tackle this thing head on.  She set me up to take a test that would measure my hormones on the third or fourth day of my period to see if I was ovulating.  A couple of weeks later, my period had been late 2 weeks already, but I kept getting negative pg test so I called the dr office to see if I could just come in to take a blood hcg test just in case something was happening.  I came in, but the Practioner wasn't there, so the phlebotomy tech said she would just do the test according to the orders I had.  I explained thoroughly to her that I didnt want the hormone test because I hadn't begun a period, I was just there to see if maybe a hcg would come back positive.  She drew the blood and I left. 2 weeks later, my period still hadn't showed. I got a call from the dr. office, and the practioner told me she had my results(drumroll!).  I was not pregnant. However I wasn't ovulating, and that could have been the probably all along, so I was going to have to get a hysterosalpingogram to see if I had any blockage.  My heart sank.  I didn't ovulate all of this time? Even though I had my same regular cramps from the time I stopped taking my bc pills and the periods were pretty regular? I asked her was that the reason I hadn't had a period for this month.  She said "wait, you didnt have a period? So when you took the test you never came on your period?" I said no.  She said "oh.......well I'm so sorry, never mind, forget what I said". I was like huh?  So she said "we sent out a lab for the fsh(hormone) and your levels indicated you werent ovulating, but since you didnt do that at the right time, it's not accurate. Also your thyroid test was inconclusive. So we will need to do it over when you actually come on your period."  I can tell you I was so relieved to hear that I possibly still ovulated but when I tell you I was pissed off beyond.  I told her I had specifically told the phlebotomy tech I only was there to take a hcg test, I hadn't had a period and did not want the other tests done.  She then said she didnt know how this could've happened.  I told her perhaps because other employees continuously came in and interrupted, so maybe she couldn't focus?  There's a number of reasons this was my last visit there, and this was the icing on the cake.  I was surprised because it was supposed to be an excellent office, very upscale, and the Dr. whose practice it was had been featured on Real Housewives of Atlanta as a top specialist in Obsterics, especially high risk.  Things that make you go hmmmm.....

I got one of the worse periods ever on December 29th, 2010.  It was awful. I got sick at work and had to be picked up by my hubby, embarrassed in front of my coworkers, and depressed another period made its way in my life after being late  4 1/2 weeks.  I had been slightly hopeful that the hcg just wasn't showing up so strong yet, but in the back of my mind, I just felt something was really wrong.  I had never had a period that late.  A week at most.  Well optimism returned because I knew I could finally get my hormone levels checked, but now I was gonna go to a new Dr. once I got the results.  I was leaving early from work because it was New Year's Eve and I would make it in time to reach the Lab office to do the test on the 4th and final possible day of my period for that month.  If not I would have to wait until the next period and that could be torturous!  After a light day at work, I went downtown to the office.  I got lost, which I never do! Then upon finally locating it and looking for parking, smoke comes from out of the hood of my car.  I had to drive to a side street and find a lot to park in.  My radiator hose looked like it busted.  I had 30 min to get to the lab before they closed, so I called my hubby to come help, and then I walked several blocks to the lab.  When I get inside, the welcome desk attendant told me the lab was closed, she thought.  She said I could check anyway, so I went down the hall to the elevators.  The guard asked me what floor I needed and I told him the whatever floor that lab was on.  He said they were opened earlier that day, but closed early because of NYE!!!!!  They did not indicate this on their auotmated machine when I called.  I was sick!!! I would have to wait and go through this again!  I called my cousin who encouraged me to fall back.  I decided that day I was done for awhile.  I needed a break, it was taking over everything and I needed peace.  And I did just that.  I let it go that day, and decided to return when I was rejuvenated.  I told God let's figure out something else I needed to do to focus on. 

In the book of  Genesis it says that God put Adam into a deep sleep, and unbeknownst to him, opened him up, took out a rib, molded it, shaped it and fastened it into a beautiful creation that would help him do life.  This beautiful creation was the Woman, Eve.  When Adam awakened, he saw her and was very pleased.  He had no idea God had planned any of this and probably laughed  to himself saying God is something else.  Like Adam, little did I know God was taking a part of my life, molding it, shaping and fastening it for a pleasure beyond what I could know.  Part 2 will be coming soon!

Love, Peace & Blessings,
L.Z.